So yeah... this book exists. It It's a book written for children teaching them all about waxing their beaver. Because we can never start teaching women to hate their bodies early enough, am I right ladies?
OK. So maybe it's not for actual kids. It's SATIRE. It's for adults right? Read the reviews. People are buying this for their kids. Multiple copies.
Basically the story revolves around Brenda. Brenda has a beaver. A hairy beaver. People keep stopping and staring and running away in abject terror. When she's walking in the park fully clothed. When she's chilling on the beach minding her own goddamn business. Soon Brenda’s awesome mates - who like to walk around the park in their underwear like NORMAL - take her to one side and show her all the amazing ways she can groom her disgusting vulva. Then they all start showing each other their beavers. WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE AND VERY NORMAL. It ends with Brenda on a beach surrounded by a crowd of adoring fans while an old dude takes a photograph of her beaver. Her ‘smooth and shiny’ beaver.
Is it just us or is this book really fucking out of order? Hate to be a feminist killjoy but writing a children's book which shames women who don't conform to porn culture is just plain wrong.
Waxing can cause a number of serious health problems including infection, STI's, burns, ingrown hairs and scarring. It's yet another harmful beauty practice which women have been coerced into performing. Are men waxing their ball sacks? No they're not. Because it's painful and expensive and dangerous. Let's be honest women: you're not doing it for yourself. You're doing it for men. So they don't tell everyone you're dirty after you shag them. Stop it.
Or don't. Buy this book for you kids instead. If you like. If you’re a dickhead.
In fact why not get a complete set? Check out these other awesome books for kids from the same publisher. Suzy Likes to Look at Balls. Come Swing with Us! Spank the Monkey Lends a Hand! Put Tony's Nuts in Your Mouth! No we’re not making this up. These books are real. They actually exist. 2019 why are you like this?
By D.J. Lippy
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